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The BIG secret of dealing with people

January 31, 2010 1 comment

When reading Dale Carnegies “How to Win Friends and Influence people” I stumbled across this BIG SECRET.

There is only one way to get anybody to do anything. And that is making the other person want to do it.

Of course you can make somebody do something by holding a gun to his head, or make a child do what you want by threatening them, but these methods have negative consequences.

‘The only way I can get you to do something is by giving you what you want’.

What do YOU want? Some of the things most people want are:

  1. Health
  2. Food
  3. Sleep
  4. Money and the things it will buy
  5. Life in the thereafter
  6. Sexual gratification
  7. The well being of our children
  8. A feeling of IMPORTANCE

Nearly al of these can be can be granted – except one. It is what Freud calls“The desire to be great” ” and John Dewy, one of Americas great philosophers, says is the deepest urge in human nature “The desire to be important”.

“Everybody likes a compliment” – Lincon

“The deepest principle in human nature is to be appreciated”  – William James

This desire makes us want to buy the latest, clothes, cars and gadgets. However this desire can have adverse affects for example. many young children join gangs and commit crimes to gain appreciation and to be seen as a ‘hero’ among their peers. John Dillenger got his feeling of importance as an outlaw, bank robber and murderer. When Dillenger was caught by the FBI he stated ” Im John Dillenger”  proud that he was Public Enemy Number ONE.

Why did Andrew Carnegie pay Charles Schwab over $1million a year? was it because he was a genius? or new more about steel than anyone else? No, not at all. Schwab himself admitted this and said

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people to be the biggest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best in a person is by appreciation and encouragement” – Charles Schwab.

Will flattery work? Flattery rarely works with discerning people, it is shallow, selfish and insincere. What is the diffreence between flattery and appreciation? One is sincere and the other one isn’t. One comes from the heart out and the other one the teeth out. one is unselfish; the other one selfish.

” Flattery is telling the other person exactly what they think about themselves” – King George V

Appreciation is one of the most neglected virtues of our daily existense. Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how well they will ignite flames of friendship.

“Every man I meet is my superior in some way” – Emmerson

So lets stop thinking in terms of your own wants and accomplishments, but think more about others good points. Forget flattery but give sincere honest appreciation and dont forget to repeat these steps on a daily basis.

Ryan Renfrew

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